my fear

I am really afraid of so many things in life, but losing the ones I love is probably my biggest fear.  The one that is bigger than that is my children growing up with out me in their lives.  Them not remembering me, not knowing who their mom is. I think about Amys son, he was 3 when she passed and it just breaks my heart to think that he will hardly remember who his mother is, and it might be better for him that way, but how confusing would that be, one day your mom is there and the next you are wondering when you will see her again.  My heart breaks for both of them.He has to go through life struggling to hold on to what memories he has of her, and who knows if when he gets older if he will even remember the time that they spent together.  I know that they will meet again someday, but not being able to hug, kiss, and love your children would be the hardest thing.  Im sure that she will always be with him, but there is nothing like the mothers love, and its just hard to imagine going through life with out it. My mom said at their funeral Amys father mentioned that she was always kissing him, and that it was probably because she on some level knew that she needed to cause her time was limited.  So she got a lifetime of love in 3 years.

christmas list

Jonathan Antin Showerhead

wen

mac brushes

chi curling iron

chi flat iron (zebra)

bed sheets

northface jacket

northface fleece

running shoes

DG sunglasses

mac case (turq)

sewing machine

colts jersey

cubs jersey

nice camera

real pearl necklace (pink/white)

star jewlery

delias zebra sweater

white ceramic watch

Pro-Choice

This subject has come up quite a bit with me the past few months, and I need to make a few comments about it.  I am VERY Pro-Choice, I have 3 children, all whom where my choice to have.  I wasnt forced to have them or forced to abort them.  I cant understand why so many people feel that if you are pro-choice that you never have children, abort everytime that you get pregant, and of coarse your abortion is at 36 weeks.  

I myself have had an abortion, yes you may gasp now. They were both after I had the twins and they were both because Joe and I couldnt not afford another child finacially or emotionally.  Having kids is rough, it takes a toll on a relationship, and when you are trying to plan a wedding, finish school, deal with a parent that is dying, and try to get two infants caught up to where they need to be developmentally it causes stress on even the strongest relationship. I can honestly say that I do not regret my abortions, do I wonder what might have come from those pregnancies...yes but I have 3 beautiful, happy, and healthy chlildren that I am very grateful for and I woulnt change that for anything in the world. 

Here comes the part that some Pro-Choice people may not like about me, I am not a big supporter in abortions that are past the point where a "fetus" can survive outside of the womb.  Hear me out here, my sons (twins) were born at 30 weeks 4 days, they were over two months early.  Granted they had some issues, and were in the hospital for a while, but now at 4 you would never know by looking at them that they were that early.  Now if your pregnant and havent made up your mind by 30 weeks which is about 7 months then an abortion might not be the way to go.  Have the baby and give it up for adoption.  I hate saying that cause it sounds so Pro-Life Anti-Abortion.  But that is how I feel, now will I picket outside of abortion clinics cause thats how I feel...no, that is just my CHOICE and if someone feels that at 30 or so weeks of pregnancy that they want an abortion, so be it, to each his own.  I can honestly say that I probably woulnt have an abortion out of the first trimester unless there was a medical problem.  But that is what is so great about the country that we live in, I have that CHOICE to my for myself, and no one else can make that choice for me!

past few weeks...

Well lets see what has been going on here for the past few weeks...I had a nice little eye injury, that set me back about a week.  David got me in the eye with a coat hanger that hurt like HELL!  That was a bitch let me tell you!  I thought that I had a pretty good pain tolerance but damn that knocked me on my ass.  Its all healed up now but I still cant see clearly out of it, which sucks but hopefully that will go away with time.  

The summer is starting to wind down, which kinda sucks cause I didnt spend nearly enough time in the pool this summer as I wanted to, but we still have about a month worth of pool weather so hopefully I will get some time in within the next month.  Joe has been working his ass off, last week he worked 70 hours, and I know that he really needs a break before either his back goes out or he has a breakdown.  Its been a little rough at home with out him here and when he is here he is cranky cause he is tired and sore, so it puts a bit more stress on me.  

We also go a Wii which is pretty awesome, we got Wii Fit for it tonight and I am hoping to get back into shape.  I need to lose about 50 lbs.  I am really going to make an effort to do it, and I know that if I dont use the Fit Joe will be a bit POed cause he sunk so much money into the system and the game. 

Other than that the kids should be starting school here with in the next couple months, which will be very nice for me.  I might actually get some projects done that I have been wanting to do!  The baby is getting big and I bet will be crawling within the next month or so.