life

what can i say, my life is not what i expected it to be thats for sure.  i have always been a very independent person, i tried not to depend on a man in my life, i was always really close with a small group of friends, but had a ton of friends that i hung out with always.  as i look back at my past and look onto my future i think that this is not ANYTHING what i expected my life to be.  i have never thought that i would have had a family and a husband when i was this young...honestly i never thought that i would find someone that would stick it out with me, i had this way of making guys disapear, or was a launching pad for their true love.  every guy i was ever with bj (before joe)  cheated on me or left me for another girl, and i could never figure out why.  then i started to look back on all my relationships (friendships and boyfriends)  i will not fight for a relationship, i shouldnt have to, i shouldnt have to win someone over to be their friend or girlfriend. i was always so laid back and let people pretty much walk all over me.  and at the end of the day even if they did me wrong, if they called me i would be there for them.  i dont know why but thats just the person i was.  then i met joe, and he was different, he told me what he was thinking, he never let his feelings go unexpressed, and he was never sorry for anything he did...he was my polar opposite.  he was very open with me from the begining, and i knew from the beginning that he would be the one that i spent the rest of my life with.  when i got pregnant with the boys a lot changed, our relationship went from fun to very serious and somewhat stressful. i had never been serious with a guy before, at this point was usually the time one of us bailed and that was that.  but now i had a reason to stick it out or at least try to, i had two babies that i needed to try to make it work.  i can honestly say that if i wouldnt have gotten pregnant i dont think that we would have stayed together, i think that i would have ended it, but i think that there was a good reason why we were in the situation that we were in (aside from the fact that bc wasnt our forte) i think that we make each other better people, and that had things not worked out the way that they did we wouldnt be happy.