2011...just another year?

Every year since I was probably 12 I made the new years resolution to "lose weight" or "diet" and I am not going to lie, every year I know that its not going to happen.  So this year I have decided to do away with the new years resolutions that I know that I wont or cant keep, this year I have decided to make it more real.  I am going to focus on my family and friendships, and taking better care of myself (and by that I dont mean to diet) I mean flossing, washing my face every night before bed, get more sleep, not eat as much sugar, drink more water, not eat out so much, try not to spend money just because I have it, no more wasteful spending, my kids do not need every toy that they see, and I dont need to buy something just for the sake of buying it. I am going make more time for me,and to be more patient with my family, try harder to work with the boys with school work, and read to my kids more, have more conversations with my husband, and for that matter my dad and brothers.  Take time out to stop and visit my grandparents, and talk to my cousins more.  I want to not be such a flake, and make more time to spend with my friends.

I am not perfect so I know that some of these things might not be something I do on a regular basis, but my intentions are to try harder.  I know I will flake out, and not be as patient as I would like, but like I said I am going to try.

My Poppy...

Its been over 8 years since my grandpa left this earth.  It was probably one of the hardest things I had to deal with as a young adult.  He was the one that was always in my corner, always believed in me, made me feel like I was worth something.  He was my poppy!  I lived miles and miles away, and yet I had a better relationship than my grandparents that lived in the same town as me.  To me it was so unexpected, I really didnt know how sick he really was, and to this day I am kind of glad of that.  See I was able to enjoy talking to him with out the worry of wondering how he was really doing.  I guess it also showed that I really did enjoy chatting with him.  Even if it was just on instant messenger!  

If you were to ask his children about him, they would probably describe him as a grumpy man, I didn't see him that way, maybe he was just different around me, or maybe I brought out the best in him ;)  (thats what I want to think)  

On 11/23 was my Poppy's birthday, and I thought of him a lot that day, although lately I have been thinking about him a lot more than usual.  I guess I just wish that he was able to see me become a mother, and meet my children (even though I know they would have drove him mad!)  I know that he still watches over us, and that he is the one that is still in my corner helping me through rough times.  

To my poppy, Thank you for showing me that I am important, and that I can do what I put my mind too!  You believed in me when others didn't, and never questioned any of my dreams or goals no matter how big or small they were!  

Thanksgiving

I have been feeling very thankful lately, and for good reason.  I have a great family, my children are happy and healthy, my husband is healthy and still working.  I have parents that are always willing to help me out.  I have 2 siblings, that are growing into amazing men.  My friends are great, always there to lend an ear, they dont judge, and they make me realize that I am a good person.  I feel so fortunate to be where I am in life with all of these wonderful people around me.

So this thanksgiving I am thankful for my life, its not perfect, but I am thankful for it.

Its been 2 years...

Two years ago today, my life changed. Two years ago today my life was spared, unfortunatly 4 others weren't as lucky as me. I guess I was at the right place at the right time, maybe I am just over reacting, but for some reason it gets to me. Maybe I was 10 minutes late, for once being late worked to my benefit. Maybe god had other plans for me, or maybe Im just lucky! I still remember that night, and I still own that shirt that I got out of line for. I cant wear it, and I dont know why I keep it around...maybe its a reminder of how uncertain life can be. In a split second everything can change for the better or for the worse!

me being me :)

i know i am not perfect, i pay my bills late, my house is usually messy, i order take out way to much, i am usually late, i say "fuck" way to much, my spelling is horrible,and shop a little more than i should, but at the end of the day i know that i am a great mother, wife and friend and really isnt that most important :)

Family

I am a very passionate person about very few things. My family is the number one priority in my life, and when they are hurting so am I. I have watched my brothers in good and bad relationships in the past, and I know that David is really in a good place in his life, he has a job that he likes, has a fiance, and has a beautiful baby boy! He really seems to have it together for once, and is able to be independent and able to provide a life for his new family. Andrew on the other hand makes me worry. He just dates the wrong girls! I just dont get it, they all seem so great in the beginning and then its like BAM they drop a huge bomb, they are cheaters, or crazy, or just boring. He seems to gravitate toward the pretty and crazy ones! They are all so great but then you hear the shit they do you are just in awe that they think that is normal! The latest one was the first one in a LONG time that I really really liked...now I am not feeling the same way. Its like she turned into someone that I didnt think that she was! I dont know I know that he needs to fight his own battles and do what he needs to do, I just wish that he could step back and see the situation for what it is, a lost cause. I really think that he needs to cut his losses and just be single and happy for awhile. But I guess its easier said than done!

money....blahh

Things havent been the best around here when it comes to money. There just isnt enough of it, Joe works what he can and every week we fall just short! I really need to start working again, and soon. I know that things are not going to get better at this rate, and I cant stand to be this stressed out about it. I have put in quite a few applications and still havent heard a thing :( I am hoping and praying that something pans out cause we cant live like this for much longer!