I need a RESET!

I has been awhile since I posted a "blog"  and I feel the need/want to get back into this.  A lot has changed, but a lot has stayed the same.  We are still trucking along and living life.  We are still a wonderful family of 5.  We have had some losses over the past few years, and gained some things as well.  I lost both of my grandparents, and as hard as that was, it didnt come close to losing our family dog. After rescuing him 8 years ago from a certain death, he was able to live a happy life, full of love from his family.  He died at home with his family around him, and I hope he knew just how much he was loved and how hard it was for us to lose him!  We have gained 2, yes 2 cats, and I was NEVER a cat person, but they are pretty great!

I went back to work, and now work "part time" at the school and I really do enjoy it,  I am working with Kindergartners, and although some days are stressful and long, I really love my job.  I work with amazing women, who are supportive, kind, and caring.  They have really made me love my job!

I am working on getting on track with my weight and fitness!  I need to start taking this seriously, as I am at the heaviest I have ever been, and I notice this daily with how I feel and how I look.  I need to get healthy for me, and for my family, as I cannot be my "best" if I don't feel that way!

So lets hope that I can "reset" and get back on track!

more time for ME!

I spend hours a day taking care of my family, and I wouldn't change it for the world! This week I woke up and my face was a complete nightmare.  I had break outs all over my face, and I do know I don't have the best skin, something like this hasn't happened in some time.  I realized I haven't been washing my face like I should, I have been eating like crap, and have been drinking way to much pop and not nearly enough water.  So I am going to work on changing things up a bit.  Wash my face morning and night, cut back on junk food, and sugar, drinking enough water, and getting enough sleep.  These are things that I always say I need to do, but always find a way not to do them.

An open letter to my "friends"

Now that you are all having babies, I want you to think about how hard it is...now imagine you have two, that were born 10 weeks early.  Now I want you to imagine what it would be like if you were three hours away from your family.  Now add to that the fact that your friends have basically turned their backs on you because you got pregnant at 21 and that you didn't share it with them the second you found out, because you were scared to death!  I hope that you are don't have as difficult of a time being a new mom as I did.  I hope you have the love and support of your family and "friends".  I hope that you don't feel isolated, and that your friends don't make you feel guilty for putting your children first and not your social life.  I made it against all odd, although I lost some "friends" along the way, but in the process I gained something that I never thought I would, I gained some perspective about life, and the people that I want in my life.  I learned that I could say no, and that I don't have to make everyone happy.  I learned how to be strong, and how to be a parent.

starting a new chapter...

I feel fortunate, I am lucky enough to have 3 beautiful, smart, happy, healthy and funny children.  They make me a better person, they make me happy, they make me whole.  They also make me crazy sometimes too!  They have started school, and with my youngest just starting Kindergarden (full day may I add)  I realize just how lucky we are to have our children in a school that we really love.  They are cared for by other people that I trust, and that I know have their best interest at heart!  They welcome my children with open arms, and put me at ease when I am clearly upset.  I felt that more than ever today as I walked into the school hand in hand with my new kindergartner!  I could feel my eyes filling with tears as we approached the classroom, and I knew I was going to be a blubbering mess.  My son wanted to go in and see his teacher from the year before, and all it took was for her to ask me how I was for me to fall apart.  She let me cry in her classroom, and offered me a kleenex and a shoulder to cry on. I don't know of many other schools where something like this would be the norm.  I could see the tears in her eyes, and I knew that she wasn't judging me, or looking down on me, she was there to help me!  As I wiped the tears from my eyes, she hugged me and told me what I needed to hear.  "your daughter is in good hands"  and I knew that was true!  I knew my daughters teacher was an amazing teacher!  I knew that she was in fact in good hands, but still I felt sad.  When we walked my daughter into her new classroom, her eyes lit up, she hugged her teacher, and her teacher hugged me (and I am not a hugger) as the room filled up I saw moms eyes filling with tears, real tears, and I saw the emotion that I felt!  I was not alone.  As I walked out of the building, I felt alone, and like a little piece of me was missing!  As I wait for my 3 wonderful children to walk through the door, I know they will all have stories to tell about their first day of school, and all the excitement will put me at ease!  I feel blessed that my children are able to experience wonderful teachers.  Teachers that want them to succeed  and who will care for my children while they are in school.  I know not all parents get to experience this type of thing!

2013

Last year I made a few of the same resolutions I usually make…lose weight, save money, be more organized, bla bla bla.  Well I can honestly I did keep some of those resolutions, I lost 20lbs, was better about spending money, and didn't overdraft the checking account as often as we had in the past.  I was better about staying organized and keeping the house clean.  So I have decided to keep the same resolutions.  I am going to try to keep on track :)

Stuck

Sometimes I just feel stuck, stuck in a big fat rut.  Dont get me wrong I love the life that I live, but sometimes I feel like something is missing.  I get to stay at home with my 3 wonderful children, and watch them grow, and learn.  I get to see them off to school, and get them off the bus.  I even get some down time when all three are at school.  But there is a part of me that misses working.  Its not the money (although that wouldnt hurt) Its the interaction with other adults, it is doing something that you are good at, or even enjoy.  I enjoy my time at home, but after 5 loads of laundry and 2 loads of dishes, it gets to be a bit blah!  I guess getting out of the house, and going to work, was usually something that I didnt mind.  I liked working at the salon, and learning about new products, and being in an environment where people came in to get something to make them feel pretty.

and thats life...

Years of marriage can take a toll on anyone.  It can make you stronger, weaker, smarter, fatter, it can give you patience, or make you angry.  I have learned that in a relationship, you can love someone more than life itself, but it doesn't make a perfect marriage.  I will work to fix whatever it is that is wrong, and fight until the end.  Tears will be shed, both of joy and sadness, but in the end if you don't give your all, you will always wonder what could have happened.

Down 8 lbs...

So with the start of the new year I have made an effort to cut some of the junk out my diet, and so far I have done a pretty good job.  I wouldn't say I am dieting, but I am watching my calories, drinking more water and less pop.  I guess it is just a start, but I really want to try to get my weight down this year,  and just take better care of myself!

Tell me something I didn't already know....

So for yeas and years I have dealt with many problems, all that I associated with PCOS.  Ever since I was about 14 they have "loosely" diagnosed me with it. (if that makes any sense)  When I was younger they didn't want to diagnose me with it cause they thought it could be puberty, when I was in my early 20's they didn't want to diagnose me with it because I didn't have any problems becoming pregnant.  Now that I am almost 30 I guess they thought, well I guess now we can diagnose her with it.  They ran my blood work yet again, and came back with similar results.  They have now started me with some medication, which I am hoping to reduce some of the symptoms that I am experiencing.  Now I guess it is just a waiting game to see if I will have any luck.  I guess I am just glad that I have somewhat of an idea what is going on in my body!  It is no longer the thing that I have to keep wondering about.  It is a weight off of my shoulders!

Drinking

I think I know now why I drank so much in college...birth control.  WOW is all I have to say, my doc put me back on bc for pcos, and now I am realizing why I drank so much in college, and why I was so emotional.  This isn't very fun, I am hoping that once I get used to it,  it won't be so bad.  So here is to hoping!!

small goals...

My goal was to finish all the laundry this weekend, well I am one load away from that goal.  Yes this may sound lame, but small goals are still goals ;) #mommygoals

Ohh women and pregnancy...

So I have noticed one thing with women, we all make child birth into almost a war story.  I just do not understand it.  Its almost like we as women try to make it seem like our child birthing process was the worst.  Almost like how men compare fishing stories with the biggest fish.  Child birth is not easy, and I do not think that it was meant to be.

ugh...damn facial hair!

Having a bad skin week!  I am so broken out, and to top it off my son looks at me today and asks me mommy why do you have a beard like daddy!  Which in and of itself started my day off to a bad start.  I need to find something that works to remove this facial hair, I cannot stand it anymore and I am tired of my skin being so irritated when I try to remove it.  Anyone out there have any suggestions?  HELP!

Hair Removal...Plucking

Let me start off by saying this, plucking is a great way to remove hair in small areas, but if you are trying to remove hair from a large area, say your legs or your arms, this is probably not a method you would want to use.  To most women, plucking unwanted hair is probably one of the first methods you use (aside from shaving) And as much as I hate this time consuming method, I find that plucking unwanted hair can be the most effective, least irritating, and cheapest way to remove hair.  Usually this is a method I use if I have extra time, and this is the method that I prefer if I do have the extra time and I want my skin to look its best.  On an area like my chin, neck, side burns, and eybrows, I find I get the best results if I do pluck out the unwanted hair.  As far as tools and methods go I love my tweezerman tweezers.  I like using both slanted and pointed ones.

I also make sure that I have exfoliated the skin very well, that way the hair comes out much easier.  I also make sure that I put a warm towel on each area before I start to open up the pores, it helps the hair to slide right out. 

The Epilator...

Let me start off by saying that I was some what apprehensive to try this device.  Just turning the thing on and hearing the horrid noise that it made I wanted to put it back in the box and send it back to my mothers house.  So upon reading the directions I went on my way to try this out. I used the small guard like the directions suggested for small areas.

Panasonic ES-WD51-P Epiglide Ladies Wet Dry Epilator

So this is the model that I used, and since its the first (and last) time that I ever used an epilator, I am not sure how this device works in comparison with others.  

First off let me start by saying I don't have very sensitive skin, but I do sometimes have issues when I wax, shave or pluck the hair on my face/neck.  Although after using this, I had so many bumps, and spots that I have never had with any other type of hair removal. 

Secondly this was VERY painful to me, I can wax my facial hair and neck hair with hardly even flinching, and even when I pluck the hair it hardly bothers me at all.  The whole time I used this I was grimacing in pain.

And lastly I found that this epilator broke the hair off at the skin which caused a lot of ingrown hairs, and stubble.  To me it just seemed to defeat the purpose.  

All in all I must say that I gladly returned this to my mom.  So many women love the results they get from an epilator, maybe my skin is just to sensitive, cause I didn't have the results I had hoped for. 

Hair Removal...The Problem

First off let me start by saying that I have a big problem with hair, ever since puberty I had to worry about the dreaded hair removal.  Most girls don't have to worry about someone getting to close and seeing that I had hair sprouting from my chin and neck, but for me, that was the norm.  I think since the age of 11-12 I have tried anything and everything under the sun that mentioned removing hair, whether it be temporarily or permanently.  I am now 28, and still try to hide the hair that grows everywhere. From my chin, sideburns, neck, chest, and stomach.  I have been tested for any problem that could possibly cause the "abnormal" hair growth.  I have been on countless medications just in hopes to keep the hair at bay.  Much to my disappointment I have yet to find anything to work.  This has been about a 17 year battle, that I am losing, only to be told that I am just a hairy person.


So I have decided to document the things I have tried, to hopefully help someone that might be in the same situation as me.  This shall be my journey to find something that works...

2011...just another year?

Every year since I was probably 12 I made the new years resolution to "lose weight" or "diet" and I am not going to lie, every year I know that its not going to happen.  So this year I have decided to do away with the new years resolutions that I know that I wont or cant keep, this year I have decided to make it more real.  I am going to focus on my family and friendships, and taking better care of myself (and by that I dont mean to diet) I mean flossing, washing my face every night before bed, get more sleep, not eat as much sugar, drink more water, not eat out so much, try not to spend money just because I have it, no more wasteful spending, my kids do not need every toy that they see, and I dont need to buy something just for the sake of buying it. I am going make more time for me,and to be more patient with my family, try harder to work with the boys with school work, and read to my kids more, have more conversations with my husband, and for that matter my dad and brothers.  Take time out to stop and visit my grandparents, and talk to my cousins more.  I want to not be such a flake, and make more time to spend with my friends.

I am not perfect so I know that some of these things might not be something I do on a regular basis, but my intentions are to try harder.  I know I will flake out, and not be as patient as I would like, but like I said I am going to try.

My Poppy...

Its been over 8 years since my grandpa left this earth.  It was probably one of the hardest things I had to deal with as a young adult.  He was the one that was always in my corner, always believed in me, made me feel like I was worth something.  He was my poppy!  I lived miles and miles away, and yet I had a better relationship than my grandparents that lived in the same town as me.  To me it was so unexpected, I really didnt know how sick he really was, and to this day I am kind of glad of that.  See I was able to enjoy talking to him with out the worry of wondering how he was really doing.  I guess it also showed that I really did enjoy chatting with him.  Even if it was just on instant messenger!  

If you were to ask his children about him, they would probably describe him as a grumpy man, I didn't see him that way, maybe he was just different around me, or maybe I brought out the best in him ;)  (thats what I want to think)  

On 11/23 was my Poppy's birthday, and I thought of him a lot that day, although lately I have been thinking about him a lot more than usual.  I guess I just wish that he was able to see me become a mother, and meet my children (even though I know they would have drove him mad!)  I know that he still watches over us, and that he is the one that is still in my corner helping me through rough times.  

To my poppy, Thank you for showing me that I am important, and that I can do what I put my mind too!  You believed in me when others didn't, and never questioned any of my dreams or goals no matter how big or small they were!  

Thanksgiving

I have been feeling very thankful lately, and for good reason.  I have a great family, my children are happy and healthy, my husband is healthy and still working.  I have parents that are always willing to help me out.  I have 2 siblings, that are growing into amazing men.  My friends are great, always there to lend an ear, they dont judge, and they make me realize that I am a good person.  I feel so fortunate to be where I am in life with all of these wonderful people around me.

So this thanksgiving I am thankful for my life, its not perfect, but I am thankful for it.

Its been 2 years...

Two years ago today, my life changed. Two years ago today my life was spared, unfortunatly 4 others weren't as lucky as me. I guess I was at the right place at the right time, maybe I am just over reacting, but for some reason it gets to me. Maybe I was 10 minutes late, for once being late worked to my benefit. Maybe god had other plans for me, or maybe Im just lucky! I still remember that night, and I still own that shirt that I got out of line for. I cant wear it, and I dont know why I keep it around...maybe its a reminder of how uncertain life can be. In a split second everything can change for the better or for the worse!