I need a RESET!

I has been awhile since I posted a "blog"  and I feel the need/want to get back into this.  A lot has changed, but a lot has stayed the same.  We are still trucking along and living life.  We are still a wonderful family of 5.  We have had some losses over the past few years, and gained some things as well.  I lost both of my grandparents, and as hard as that was, it didnt come close to losing our family dog. After rescuing him 8 years ago from a certain death, he was able to live a happy life, full of love from his family.  He died at home with his family around him, and I hope he knew just how much he was loved and how hard it was for us to lose him!  We have gained 2, yes 2 cats, and I was NEVER a cat person, but they are pretty great!

I went back to work, and now work "part time" at the school and I really do enjoy it,  I am working with Kindergartners, and although some days are stressful and long, I really love my job.  I work with amazing women, who are supportive, kind, and caring.  They have really made me love my job!

I am working on getting on track with my weight and fitness!  I need to start taking this seriously, as I am at the heaviest I have ever been, and I notice this daily with how I feel and how I look.  I need to get healthy for me, and for my family, as I cannot be my "best" if I don't feel that way!

So lets hope that I can "reset" and get back on track!

more time for ME!

I spend hours a day taking care of my family, and I wouldn't change it for the world! This week I woke up and my face was a complete nightmare.  I had break outs all over my face, and I do know I don't have the best skin, something like this hasn't happened in some time.  I realized I haven't been washing my face like I should, I have been eating like crap, and have been drinking way to much pop and not nearly enough water.  So I am going to work on changing things up a bit.  Wash my face morning and night, cut back on junk food, and sugar, drinking enough water, and getting enough sleep.  These are things that I always say I need to do, but always find a way not to do them.

An open letter to my "friends"

Now that you are all having babies, I want you to think about how hard it is...now imagine you have two, that were born 10 weeks early.  Now I want you to imagine what it would be like if you were three hours away from your family.  Now add to that the fact that your friends have basically turned their backs on you because you got pregnant at 21 and that you didn't share it with them the second you found out, because you were scared to death!  I hope that you are don't have as difficult of a time being a new mom as I did.  I hope you have the love and support of your family and "friends".  I hope that you don't feel isolated, and that your friends don't make you feel guilty for putting your children first and not your social life.  I made it against all odd, although I lost some "friends" along the way, but in the process I gained something that I never thought I would, I gained some perspective about life, and the people that I want in my life.  I learned that I could say no, and that I don't have to make everyone happy.  I learned how to be strong, and how to be a parent.

starting a new chapter...

I feel fortunate, I am lucky enough to have 3 beautiful, smart, happy, healthy and funny children.  They make me a better person, they make me happy, they make me whole.  They also make me crazy sometimes too!  They have started school, and with my youngest just starting Kindergarden (full day may I add)  I realize just how lucky we are to have our children in a school that we really love.  They are cared for by other people that I trust, and that I know have their best interest at heart!  They welcome my children with open arms, and put me at ease when I am clearly upset.  I felt that more than ever today as I walked into the school hand in hand with my new kindergartner!  I could feel my eyes filling with tears as we approached the classroom, and I knew I was going to be a blubbering mess.  My son wanted to go in and see his teacher from the year before, and all it took was for her to ask me how I was for me to fall apart.  She let me cry in her classroom, and offered me a kleenex and a shoulder to cry on. I don't know of many other schools where something like this would be the norm.  I could see the tears in her eyes, and I knew that she wasn't judging me, or looking down on me, she was there to help me!  As I wiped the tears from my eyes, she hugged me and told me what I needed to hear.  "your daughter is in good hands"  and I knew that was true!  I knew my daughters teacher was an amazing teacher!  I knew that she was in fact in good hands, but still I felt sad.  When we walked my daughter into her new classroom, her eyes lit up, she hugged her teacher, and her teacher hugged me (and I am not a hugger) as the room filled up I saw moms eyes filling with tears, real tears, and I saw the emotion that I felt!  I was not alone.  As I walked out of the building, I felt alone, and like a little piece of me was missing!  As I wait for my 3 wonderful children to walk through the door, I know they will all have stories to tell about their first day of school, and all the excitement will put me at ease!  I feel blessed that my children are able to experience wonderful teachers.  Teachers that want them to succeed  and who will care for my children while they are in school.  I know not all parents get to experience this type of thing!

2013

Last year I made a few of the same resolutions I usually make…lose weight, save money, be more organized, bla bla bla.  Well I can honestly I did keep some of those resolutions, I lost 20lbs, was better about spending money, and didn't overdraft the checking account as often as we had in the past.  I was better about staying organized and keeping the house clean.  So I have decided to keep the same resolutions.  I am going to try to keep on track :)

Stuck

Sometimes I just feel stuck, stuck in a big fat rut.  Dont get me wrong I love the life that I live, but sometimes I feel like something is missing.  I get to stay at home with my 3 wonderful children, and watch them grow, and learn.  I get to see them off to school, and get them off the bus.  I even get some down time when all three are at school.  But there is a part of me that misses working.  Its not the money (although that wouldnt hurt) Its the interaction with other adults, it is doing something that you are good at, or even enjoy.  I enjoy my time at home, but after 5 loads of laundry and 2 loads of dishes, it gets to be a bit blah!  I guess getting out of the house, and going to work, was usually something that I didnt mind.  I liked working at the salon, and learning about new products, and being in an environment where people came in to get something to make them feel pretty.

and thats life...

Years of marriage can take a toll on anyone.  It can make you stronger, weaker, smarter, fatter, it can give you patience, or make you angry.  I have learned that in a relationship, you can love someone more than life itself, but it doesn't make a perfect marriage.  I will work to fix whatever it is that is wrong, and fight until the end.  Tears will be shed, both of joy and sadness, but in the end if you don't give your all, you will always wonder what could have happened.